Not the one we’ll hear, of course, but Gorilla has a go…
“My fellow Americans, my predecessor lied to you and got this country stuck in a pointless war in Iraq that has killed hundreds of thousands.
There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and there were no terrorists in Iraq until we invaded.
We’re not actually leaving, because there’s just too much oil to be had.
So, we’ll keep pretending Iraq will become like South Korea, except we know it won’t because the Shiites and Sunnis will resume their civil war.
Hopefully, we’ll be long gone by 2012 and I’ll be reelected, although that’s anybody’s guess so long as I continue to do nothing about unemployment.
I’d also like to talk to you about ending the pointless war in Afghanistan, but I think you’re depressed enough.
Good night and God bless America.”